Happy Tuesday!

Now, for anyone that knows me, Tuesday is generally my least favorite day of the week.  It's how most people feel about Monday but for me.... I dread Tuesdays.  Today is a happy Tuesday because NEW GIRL IS BACK! haha I have an unhealthy obsession for this show.  So I am all smiles. I have also already run 3 miles today which has me feeling extra good.   Aside from that I have decided to challenge myself to lose 30 pounds by the end of October.  So, that is 30 pounds in 45 days or around 4lb loss per week.  I am really going to push myself to make this happen.  I have made a countdown and a reward/ inspiration board to give myself a daily reminder to kick ass!  Here is what they look like:

Wish me luck on my newest adventure!  HERE is some daily motivation for you to get up and be active :)

So. Very. Tired.

Hello...

I am so tired.  In case that wasn't clear with my title.  Yesterday, I took a bit of a cheat day.  I didn't go to the gym, I ate pizza, and drank beer. For the first time in about 3 weeks I think it is safe to say I got drunk.  Honestly, I felt like shit today.  Not from a hangover, but depression rather.  I felt terrible and all I wanted to do was say, "Fuck it, I want jack n the box or in n out. Greasy crappy gross food".  BUT I thought about were I wanted to be and I then thought 2 things, #1... you are going to be pissed at yourself if you eat that. #2... Imagine where you want to be.  I didn't eat the crappy food, I got a mini turkey sandwich from Jersey Mikes, with no oil.  Mini accomplishment #1.  After I got home and finished my food, I wanted to watch TV.  But I gave myself a time limit of 1 hour to relax then I got my butt up and went to the gym.  Mini accomplishment #2.  When I am overweight, the gym scares me.  I FEEL like I do not belong there and that people are talking about me.  I emphasize the word feel, because often times people like to interject there and tell me how I'm crazy.  I KNOW others do not think that, but that doesn't change me from feeling that way.  Now, I have referenced this before when I started losing weight the first time.  I watched a Jaime Eason video on bodybuiding.com and she makes a nice reminder that I go to the gym for me and no one else.  I don't need to worry about what they think.  I am there bettering myself.  Plus if they are focused on me, their workout must be suffering. :P  How many people are scared of the big tall scary step machine at the gym?  *Raises Hand*  After my first half hour of cardio I went on the big horrific step machine and made it my bitch.  I only did 10 minutes, but it really got my heart rate going and sweat dripping off my body.  I finished that, did an additional hald hour of cardio, stretched,then went home.  Look at the amount of sweat that I racked up today!

 Mini Accomplishment #3.

I am worn out and couldn't even go to the gym twice today.  Night!

Relapses Are Inevitable

First of all, yes I know, it's been a while since my last post.  The last post that I said I was fed up with being overweight and was quitting smoking and blah blah blah.  I fell off the band wagon quick.  And clearly that wasn't my first time falling off the wagon.  But, hell, I'M HUMAN.  and chances are if you are female and reading this, you have probably fallen off the wagon a time or two as well.   Life is hard.  Really hard.  Even harder if your not blessed with a bikini ready body after a week of clean eating and gym work.  But come on the majority of us aren't.  and if you are and you aren't in my family or one of my best friends you might not find what you want to here.  But if you do I'm glad my insight could help you too!

It has been quite some time since my last post, so let me catch you up:


-My AMAZING temp job ended
-Moved in with my Aunt and Uncle in Pasadena (I'm going to school in Pomona)
-Met a couple of confused immature assholes
-Gained more weight
-Got a new job (with a cigarette company)
-Hated job and quit
-Smoke free for 47 days aside from 3 drunken nights (sober me is not accountable for drunk me)
-Got a fitbit
-Using my anger at everything to workout..... a lot


 Hmmmm....
I probably forgot something, but I'm sure it will come up if I did.

So, since I moved out to Pasadena (about an hour from all my friends) I have become even more depressed.  I filled the voids in my life (friends, boys, bad self image, and well everything) with bad food and booze.  Which only made me feel worse.  Shocking I know.  and not only did I feel angry at myself for eating the food, my reflection wasn't making me happy either.

So once again I decided to change my life.  Now I know your thinking, "Yeah, right KK, I've heard that before". and ya know what you have.  Now it's up to me to prove you and my tiny little inner haters wrong.

So lately instead of eating and drinking my feelings I have been working out a lot.  Since I don't have a job and school doesn't start for two weeks I have been working out at least twice a day.  Now I know this is a tad extreme, but why not?  The people on those weight loss shows do it and I am making sure I am satisfied with a nutritionally balance diet.  I have the time for the next two weeks until school starts I am hoping to jump start my weight loss.

I accomplished another HUGE milestone tonight.  I swam laps at the gym by myself.  No one I knew or trusted with me since my Dad died in the water.  HUGE HUGE DEAL.


This is me, right after my swim :)  Oh and if there are any Chive(er or ettes) reading KCCO :P

I spent 4 hours at the gym.....

I have never ever ever done that... Ever..... My friend told me he would meet me there at 9 to lift so I decided to go earlier and get my cardio in. I got there at 8:20 and got on the elliptical. He got there at 9 and we "got SWOL".  We worked some legs but mostly upper body. Last night driving home my arms were so exhausted I could barely drive. I woke up this morning and  was surprised my arms didn't hurt at all.  That was 2 hours ago.... My arms are becoming more and more fatigued.  I am keeping my protein intake solid and I have been stretching.  Here's to going hard and shocking myself.

What Inspires You?

I'm curious to know what inspires other people to keep working at it.

Part of me is scared to really commit to lose the weight again because the only reason I really see my self as thin is looking back at pictures.

I was MUCH happier then than I am now in that body, but I still didn't view my self as being thin.

Even I can admit that I stuck with the challenge in the beginning to prove someone wrong.  Now I want to stick with it to prove myself wrong.  You know that age old saying "you don't know what you got til it's gone"?  That is how I feel about my previous weight loss.

So I am looking to see how anyone keeps with it.  I know I don't have many readers but if you do read this I would love to know what inspires you to keep working on it, what ever "it" is for you.

reality check

Been pretty down on my luck the last couple of days.  But today, I watched THIS and my perspective has been altered a bit.

New quote: "You can either sit in the basement and wait, or you can get out there and do crazy stuff" 

What would your next move be if you were terminal?

New goal

While on my lunch at work I was browsing through The Chive and came across THIS lovely cache of pictures of beautiful women with tattoos.  I constantly look at Chivette's for my fitspo and I've decided I can't wait to get back to goal so I can have my own (classy of course) picture posted on The Chive.

ANYWAY..

In other news, THIS SHIT IS HARD.  I am tired, discouraged, sad, lonely, and quite honestly I could use a strong drink or 7.  I have been really balancing my love of food vs my wanting to be fit and healthy.  I think to myself that being overweight is doable.  I can learn to find flattering clothes and not be insecure.  Now please don't misunderstand me, I love myself and who I am, but when I was thinner and healthy I felt so alive and amazing!  I want that feeling again.  I want it more than I want to drink, I want it more than I want to snack, and I want it way more than I want to sit on my ass and watch TV.  I saw this on Pinterest and it made so much sense.

Also, my lovely friend Lisee showed me how she made a fitspo collage for the background on her phone so I made one for my lock screen and one for my wall paper with some things that inspire me.

I used some ecards and pictures of myself when I was in LOVE with myself.  I know I can get back there and this little reminder when I open my phone helps :)

ACV

Apple cider vinegar. Whose tried it to aid in weight loss?  I've tried fat burners and they really mess with my heart and over all feeling. So, I have heard that certain raw versions of apple cider vinegar can assist in weight loss. I did some research and found that it is relatively cheap so I figured what the heck! You're supposed to take 2 teaspoons before each meal. So here is the correct kind of ACV with the "mother" haha this made me laugh. Well we will see what/ if it does anything for me. I will keep you posted :)

What the hell happened to me...

6 AM run.... Check. Midnight workout.... Check. Plans for 6am workout... Check.... The expression on my face says it all... WTF got into me. My thoughts on not getting much sleep is this.... If I can stay up drinking like a sailor until 3 AM then get up and be at work at 8AM, why can't I work out and still get more rest. This is a lifestyle change I have been craving. I've always wanted to be addicted to the gym, so here it goes!

Running before I'm alive

So I have this best friend... See below. She's gorgeous, sweet, fit and by far my greatest motivator. When I don't believe in myself she pushes me too. Anyway... Last night we planned to go on a run before I went to work this morning. I hate mornings. She called me and called me until I got out of bed then showed up at my door dragged my butt outside an made me go with her. And here we are at our local herbalife shake place. I don't do herbalife but their protein shakes fit into my nutrition just fine. Here is my lemon iced tea, my chocolate PB protein shake, and my new PB2!