reality check

Been pretty down on my luck the last couple of days.  But today, I watched THIS and my perspective has been altered a bit.

New quote: "You can either sit in the basement and wait, or you can get out there and do crazy stuff" 

What would your next move be if you were terminal?

New goal

While on my lunch at work I was browsing through The Chive and came across THIS lovely cache of pictures of beautiful women with tattoos.  I constantly look at Chivette's for my fitspo and I've decided I can't wait to get back to goal so I can have my own (classy of course) picture posted on The Chive.

ANYWAY..

In other news, THIS SHIT IS HARD.  I am tired, discouraged, sad, lonely, and quite honestly I could use a strong drink or 7.  I have been really balancing my love of food vs my wanting to be fit and healthy.  I think to myself that being overweight is doable.  I can learn to find flattering clothes and not be insecure.  Now please don't misunderstand me, I love myself and who I am, but when I was thinner and healthy I felt so alive and amazing!  I want that feeling again.  I want it more than I want to drink, I want it more than I want to snack, and I want it way more than I want to sit on my ass and watch TV.  I saw this on Pinterest and it made so much sense.

Also, my lovely friend Lisee showed me how she made a fitspo collage for the background on her phone so I made one for my lock screen and one for my wall paper with some things that inspire me.

I used some ecards and pictures of myself when I was in LOVE with myself.  I know I can get back there and this little reminder when I open my phone helps :)

ACV

Apple cider vinegar. Whose tried it to aid in weight loss?  I've tried fat burners and they really mess with my heart and over all feeling. So, I have heard that certain raw versions of apple cider vinegar can assist in weight loss. I did some research and found that it is relatively cheap so I figured what the heck! You're supposed to take 2 teaspoons before each meal. So here is the correct kind of ACV with the "mother" haha this made me laugh. Well we will see what/ if it does anything for me. I will keep you posted :)

What the hell happened to me...

6 AM run.... Check. Midnight workout.... Check. Plans for 6am workout... Check.... The expression on my face says it all... WTF got into me. My thoughts on not getting much sleep is this.... If I can stay up drinking like a sailor until 3 AM then get up and be at work at 8AM, why can't I work out and still get more rest. This is a lifestyle change I have been craving. I've always wanted to be addicted to the gym, so here it goes!

Running before I'm alive

So I have this best friend... See below. She's gorgeous, sweet, fit and by far my greatest motivator. When I don't believe in myself she pushes me too. Anyway... Last night we planned to go on a run before I went to work this morning. I hate mornings. She called me and called me until I got out of bed then showed up at my door dragged my butt outside an made me go with her. And here we are at our local herbalife shake place. I don't do herbalife but their protein shakes fit into my nutrition just fine. Here is my lemon iced tea, my chocolate PB protein shake, and my new PB2!

Struggling

I'm really having a tough time balancing nutrition and life. I know I can do it. I keep messing up but I feel so close to the edge of greatness that I'm trying not to get discouraged. I looked at all of the pictures of myself when I was thin and it was pretty darn tough. BUT it has only made me want to push harder to get back there. I have made an album of pictures on my iPhone that has all of my skinny pics my progress pics, pictures that accentuate mu current size ( lets be honest my current unhappiness) and pics of healthy beautiful women that inspire me. When I feel like binging, not working out, or just crappy, I look at them and it inspires me. On another note of something else that's going to be super hard I have decided to quit smoking (another nasty habit I recently picked up). This includes smoking when I drink. Here is a pic of my last pack. Donezo. Hope everyone is doing well in spite of the hard times.

Back to it!

My friends and I created a 9 week weight loss challenge. It's $10 to enter and an additional $10 if you fall in the bottom two slots ( meaning you lost the least percent of weight). Week one I lost 6.5 lbs and week 2 I broke even. This week I'm kicking ass! Gym two for two so far and a run tomorrow morning before work. This time I'm doing me. I am my motivator and the voice in my ear pushing g me harder. I am pleased to find that I CAN do this and I don't have to settle as the "fat" friend.

2/25/13

Since my 21st birthday at the end of June I have been binge drinking like crazy and supplementing my hangover with whatever greasy unhealthy food looked satisfying.  Since I am not invincible I did what I hoped I would never do, I gained all my weight and more back.

AND IT SUCKS!

I couldn't tell you the countless drinks I had or the greasy pizza and fries I'd indulged in, but you know what I could tell you?  How good it felt being thinner and healthy and how miserable and depressed I am now.  None of my clothes fit and when I sit I can feel the horrific fat rolls on my back and sides.  Last Wednesday I challenged myself to go without drinking for 1 week and I am proud to say I have successfully made it over the weekend with out a single drink!  Only 2 days left!  I had originally planned to reward myself with a night of drinking but that just seems so silly to me!

Yesterday I went to Disneyland and instead of a cheat meal, I had a cheat day. Which wasn't what I originally planned to do. WHOOPDY DO. haha  My approach to weight loss this time is more realistic.  I will be eating the same meal plan as last time, however I am accepting the matter of real life this time.  No, it's not possible to be as strict as I was last time for my entire life.  I am going to want to go out and get hammered and eat some fast food and instead of depriving myself like last time, I am going to be smarter and live life too.  ANYWAY, after eating at Disneyland and being unhealthy I feel like a slug, I am so tired and could barely get out of bed today.  Which is just giving me more and more motivation to keep the good feelings going!

I'm happy to be back :)

2/21/13

I'm back bitches.  It's go time.

BElieve in YOU

Well I've did OK this last week.  I drank alcohol and ate crappy fast food over the weekend.  But other than that I stayed on point with my nutrition.  I cut drinking slurpees and Starbucks which was a lot easier than I figured it would be and I feel really good about it.  I keep thinking about how hard and miserable it is to be overweight.  No diet, no "lifestyle change", no workout, nothing is as hard as waking up feeling like dirt on the ground when your overweight.  This morning I woke up feeling like crap, I had no text messages, no Facebook love, and quite honestly I felt unwanted and crappy.  Then I crawl out of bed and look in the mirror and blame all of my problems on the way I look and feel.  I HATE feeling overweight.  The feeling/high I experienced when I was down more weight (not even at goal) is irreplaceable.  I will be back there, and no it won't fix ALL of my problems, but I feel when you wake up and you look in the mirror and you are proud of the way you look and proud that your PJ's are falling off (not tight like mine) it gives you this empowerment that you can do anything and take on the world.  I love that feeling, and don't get me wrong I often have that feeling, but often times that angry little bitch voice in the back of my head creeps up and tell me " ok, tell yourself that, whatever to get you through the day hun".  It's a constant struggle now, between getting down on myself and constantly having to re inspire myself and pull myself up by my shoelaces.  Before it was effortless, I woke up and I was so proud of how hard I was working and the body and lifestyle I created for myself.  In great news, after I woke up feeling unwanted I weighed myself and I was down 3 lbs!  WOO!  I plan on having a almost flawless week with no alcohol at all this week!  I know I can do it!  Even though I have a constant struggle the positive ALWAYS outweighs that negative bitch voice.   I am my biggest cheerleader and I want myself to succeed more than anyone.  Remember if you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect anyone else too?